Will
the
Overlapping
Meteor
Showers
in
April
Outshine
the
Political
Fireworks
on
Earth?

EARTH
—
April
2025
—
This
month,
two
dazzling
meteor
showers
—
the

Lyrids
and
the

Eta
Aquarids
—
are
lighting
up
the
sky
like
nature’s
own
Twitter
thread:
brilliant,
brief,
and
more
coherent
than
anything
currently
happening
in
Congress.

You
can
read
the
full
cosmic
satire
over
at


Bohiney.com
—
the
news
site
officially
more
grounded
than
Washington
and
127%
funnier
than
The
Onion.

Scientists
say
it’s
a
rare,
awe-inspiring
double
feature.
But
we
ask
the
real
question:

Are
flaming
space
rocks
now
our
most
trusted
source
of
guidance?

Back
on
Planet
Earth…

As
meteors
blaze
across
the
heavens,
Earth
is
still
locked
in
its
traditional
April
ritual
of
panic,
gridlock,
and
arguing
over
TikTok
bans.

Congress
spent
the
last
week
debating
whether
the
budget
should
include
a
new
aircraft
carrier
or
just
a
very
large,
symbolic
inflatable
one
shaped
like
Ronald
Reagan.
Meanwhile,
a
bipartisan
delegation
accidentally
tried
to
sanction
the
Moon,
mistaking
it
for
a
Chinese
surveillance
balloon.

Meteor
showers,
in
contrast,
showed
up

on
time,

without
ego,
and

with
their
own
visual
effects
department.

---

The
Sky
Throws
a
Better
Party

NASA
astronomers
confirmed
that
the
Lyrids
would
peak
April
21–22,
with
the
Eta
Aquarids
close
behind
in
early
May.
For
once,
everyone
can
agree:

the
best
show
of
the
season
isn’t
on
Netflix
—
it’s
hurtling
through
the
upper
atmosphere
at
45
miles
per
second.

In
comparison,
American
politics
is
currently
crawling
toward
re-election
season
like
a
hairless
mole
in
a
tar
pit.

A
NASA
spokesperson
said,

“Just
look
up
and
enjoy
it.
It’s
free.
And
for
once,
doesn’t
involve
Elon
Musk.”

---

Meanwhile,
Reality
Files
a
Restraining
Order

Back
on
Earth,
the
news
cycle
continues
to
outpace
logic:

• Florida
  lawmakers
  have
  declared
  jazz
  music
  “suspiciously
  foreign.”

• A
  congressional
  subcommittee
  is
  investigating
  whether
  soup
  kitchens
  are
  part
  of
  a
  globalist
  plot.

• President
  Biden
  tried
  to
  sign
  an
  executive
  order,
  but
  it
  was
  actually
  a
  Denny’s
  receipt.

And
yet,
while
Earth
spirals,
the
meteors
fall
—
silent,
spectacular,
and
completely
unbothered.

---

What
the
Funny
People
Are
Saying

“Meteors
don’t
lie,
don’t
cheat,
and
don’t
campaign
in
diners.
They
just
show
up
and
wow
you.
Imagine
that.”
—
Jerry
Seinfeld,
lying
in
a
lawn
chair
wearing
NASA
pajamas

“I
trust
a
flaming
chunk
of
rock
more
than
I
trust
anyone
named
Senator.”
—
Wanda
Sykes,
mid-s’mores
with
binoculars

“We
spend
$800
billion
on
defense
and
still
can’t
stop
space
glitter
from
stealing
our
thunder.”
—
Ron
White,
sipping
bourbon
under
the
stars

“Meteor
showers:
because
the
only
real
shooting
stars
in
politics
are
indictments.”
—
Larry
David,
watching
from
his
panic
room
in
Malibu

“The
universe
drops
rocks
on
us
for
free.
Congress
charges
$12
for
a
bottled
water
and
a
government
shutdown.”
—
Sarah
Silverman,
wrapped
in
a
tinfoil
blanket,
just
in
case

---

Cosmic
Events,
Zero
Lobbyists

The
difference
is
stunning:

• Meteors
  ask
  for
  nothing.

• Politicians
  want
  your
  money,
  your
  vote,
  and
  your
  attention
  span.

• Meteor
  showers
  burn
  brightly
  and
  disappear.

• Senators
  burn
  slowly
  and
  somehow
  never
  leave.

Even
libertarians
are
starting
to
admit
that

maybe
space
rocks
should
be
allowed
to
run
for
office.

---

The
Only
Thing
Burning
Brighter
Than
Public
Trust

The
dual
meteor
showers
promise
dozens
of
visible
streaks
per
hour
—
enough
to
momentarily
blind
anyone
refreshing
campaign
donation
totals.

Some
Americans
are
reportedly
mistaking
the
celestial
streaks
for:

• The
  spirit
  of
  the
  Constitution
  leaving
  the
  building

• Trump’s
  next
  legal
  document
  entering
  the
  atmosphere

• A
  Biden
  misfire
  from
  Air
  Force
  One

Local
news
stations
are
already
preparing
conflicting
headlines:

• “Apocalyptic
  Sky
  Fire:
  Biden
  to
  Blame?”

• “Meteor
  Shower
  Is
  Racist,
  Says
  Regional
  School
  Board”

• “Florida
  Man
  Claims
  to
  Have
  Married
  a
  Comet”

---

When
the
Sky
Offers
Better
Scheduling

The
meteor
showers
are
on
track,
coordinated,
punctual,
and
incredibly
photogenic
—
a
quality
rarely
seen
in
government
meetings
or
international
diplomacy.

In
fact,
the
2025
Lyrids
were
visible
over
Washington,
D.C.
just
minutes
after
a
heated
debate
in
Congress
ended
with
someone
throwing
a
pork
barrel
across
the
aisle.
Witnesses
say
the
sky
offered
more
clarity.

---

Final
Thought:
The
Stars
Are
Laughing,
and
So
Should
We

These
meteor
showers
aren’t
just
a
celestial
event.
They’re
a
quiet
clapback
from
the
universe
—
reminding
us
that
for
all
our
noise,
drama,
and
performative
outrage,
we
are

still
just
ants
under
a
glittery
sky
show
we
didn’t
create
and
can’t
control.

And
maybe
—
just
maybe
—
that’s
a
good
thing.

So
look
up.
Take
a
deep
breath.
Turn
off
the
news.
And
enjoy
the
only
flaming
object
this
month
that
won’t
lead
to
a
congressional
inquiry.

Auf
Wiedersehen,
political
theater.
The
sky
just
dropped
a
better
show.

Bohiney
Satire
–
A
wide
satirical
cartoon
illustration
in
a
detailed
fold-in
style
inspired
by
Toni
Bohiney.
On
the
left
side
of
the
scene,
peaceful
stargazers
sit
in
law…
–
bohiney.com 

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