The
Satirist’s
Toolkit:
Pen,
Wit,
and
a
Lawyer
on
Retainer

Writing
Satire
with
Sharp
Tools
and
Sharper
Insurance

So
you
want
to
write
satire?
Congratulations!
You’re
now
legally
considered
12%
more
dangerous
than
a
podcaster
with
a
microphone
and
no
filter.
But
before
you
write
your
first
spicy
line,
ask
yourself:
Do
I
have
the
tools?
Not
just
a
pen
and
a
thesaurus
stolen
from
the
1980s—but
a
proper
satirical
arsenal,
complete
with
a
writing
desk,
a
sharp
tongue,
and
someone
who
understands
the
phrase
“settlement
out
of
court.”

At

Bohiney.com,
where
satire
is
both
art
and
sport,
we’ve
crafted
some
of
the
most
questionably
legal
headlines
in
modern
history—like
the
infamous
“Dogs
Gain
the
Right
to
Vote,
Cats
Sue
for
Discrimination.”
So,
here’s
what
your
toolkit
really
needs
to
survive
the
satirical
battlefield.

https://bohiney.com/how-to-write-great-satire-with-techniques/

Tool
#1:
A
Pen
You’re
Not
Afraid
to
Break

A
satirical
writer’s
pen
is
mightier
than
the
sword,
but
way
messier
in
court.
You’ll
need
one
that
writes
truth,
humor,
and
plausible
deniability
all
at
once.
At
Bohiney,
we
use
“sarcasm
ink”—available
only
in
invisible
legal
gray
areas.
You’ll
want
a
pen
that
isn’t
afraid
to
scratch
out
a
prime
minister’s
dignity
or
doodle
horns
on
a
tech
CEO’s
reputation.

Bonus
Tip:
Use
erasable
ink
when
writing
about
billionaires.
They
hire
better
lawyers
than
you.

Tool
#2:
A
Wit
Sharpened
by
Disillusionment

You
can’t
write
satire
if
you
still
believe
in
the
basic
goodness
of
corporations
or
political
press
releases.
No,
your
wit
must
be
forged
in
the
fire
of
too
many
public
school
assemblies,
three
recessions,
and
a
childhood
spent
reading
newspaper
comics
and
wondering
why
Mallard
Fillmore
always
looked
like
he
hated
his
job.

See
how
we
handled
it
in
“Trump
Declares
Tariff
on
Common
Sense,
Democrats
Demand
to
Raise
It.”
The
wit
wasn’t
just
sharp—it
was
premeditated.

Tool
#3:
One
Good
Lawyer,
Two
if
You’re
Spicy

Here’s
the
dirty
secret:
Satire
without
legal
counsel
is
just
career
roulette.
Before
you
make
a
joke
about
a
media
conglomerate,
pharmaceutical
company,
or
politician
with
an
overactive
PR
team,
make
sure
someone
with
a
law
degree
and
a
steady
Xanax
prescription
signs
off.

At
Bohiney,
our
legal
team
operates
on
what
we
call
“DefCon
Chuckle”—a
protocol
where
we
gauge
how
funny
something
is
by
how
likely
we
are
to
get
sued.
If
the
lawyer
laughs
and
says,
“We’ll
need
a
burner
email
for
this,”
it’s
greenlit.

Tool
#4:
Irony
Goggles
(Now
in
Rose-Tinted)

A
good
satirist
sees
the
world
through
irony
goggles.
You
need
to
view
a
politician’s
“unity
speech”
and
immediately
hear
circus
music
in
the
background.
You
need
to
watch
a
billion-dollar
startup
pitch
and
see
a
monkey
throwing
banana
peels
at
the
future.
Satire
isn’t
just
writing—it’s
mis-seeing
things
correctly.

Case
in
point:
“Google
Invents
New
AI
to
Pretend
It
Didn’t
Invent
the
First
One.”
Without
irony
goggles,
you’d
think
that
headline
was
pure
fiction.
With
them,
you
realize
it’s
already
happening
in
beta.

Tool
#5:
A
Strong
Sense
of
Timing
(and
a
Weak
Sense
of
Shame)

Timing
is
everything
in
satire.
Too
early
and
people
don’t
get
the
reference.
Too
late
and
they’ve
moved
on
to
the
next
national
embarrassment.
At
Bohiney,
we
aim
for
the
24-hour
window
between
“This
just
happened”
and
“This
might
still
be
funny.”

You
also
need
to
silence
that
little
voice
that
says,
“This
might
offend
someone.”
If
your
joke
is
honest,
well-crafted,
and
aimed
at
the
powerful?
Offend
away.

Tool
#6:
Backup
Identity
(Just
In
Case)

You
may
want
to
write
under
a
pseudonym.
At
Bohiney,
we’ve
published
articles
under
names
like
“Lance
Coughdrop,”
“Patricia
Invasive,”
and
“Sheriff
Milkbeard.”
These
names
are
fake.
Their
lawsuits,
sadly,
were
not.

Protect
your
real
name
until
your
satire
has
made
you
either
famous
or
permanently
unemployable.

---

What
the
Funny
People
Are
Saying

“I
once
wrote
a
joke
about
a
senator’s
hairpiece.
Now
I
live
in
a
Winnebago
and
use
a
VPN
made
from
chewing
gum.”
—
Gordy
T.,
Staff
Satirist

“Satire
is
just
stand-up
comedy
with
a
thesaurus
and
fewer
drink
minimums.”
—
Paula
N.,
Head
of
Wit
Retention
at
Bohiney

---

What
Bohiney
Expects
From
You

If
you’re
writing
for

Bohiney.com,
we
expect
your
satire
to
be:

• Ruthless
  but
  researched

• Funny
  but
  footnoted
  (mentally,
  at
  least)

• Sharp
  enough
  to
  make
  your
  mother
  nervous

• Bold
  enough
  to
  make
  your
  ex
  read
  it
  out
  loud
  to
  their
  new
  partner
  with
  contempt

We
also
expect
you
to
live
dangerously—by
which
we
mean
“use
semicolons
properly”
and
“quote
real
stats
while
making
fake
ones
sound
better.”

So,
arm
yourself
with
wit,
legal
counsel,
and
at
least
three
alternate
logins.
You’re
going
to
need
them.

Feeling
lucky?
You
won’t
be.
But
you
can
always
try
your
fate
at

https://bohiney.com/random/

Go to Source
Author: