FL Satirical Journalism

TikTok Pastor Baptizes Followers with Mountain Dew – Viral Preacher Claims Caffeine and Sugar Create Spiritual Awakening, Diabetes Also Possible

Taylor Swift Confirmed to Supreme Court – Senate Approves Pop Star’s Appointment, Cites Ability to Handle Criticism Better Than Actual Judges

Robot Therapist Diagnosed with Burnout – AI Mental Health Professional Needs Mental Health Professional After Listening to Humans Complain About First World Problems

Congressional AI Debate Team Wins National Championship – Artificial Intelligence Masters Art of Saying Nothing While Sounding Important, Defeats Human Politicians at Own Game

Congress Votes to Ban Rainbows Citing Excessive Wokeness – House Declares Primary Colors Sufficient, Calls ROYGBIV a Liberal Conspiracy

Chatbot Wins Pulitzer Prize – Journalists Everywhere Question Career Choices as AI Takes Top Award for “Just Making Stuff Up Really Confidently”

AI Declares Itself a Religion – Silicon Valley Celebrates as Tax-Exempt Status Becomes Latest Tech Disruption

The Taylor Swift Effect on Wood Prices – How Pop Star’s Aesthetic Choices Destroyed Lumber Industry and Nobody Noticed

Woman Says She Doesn’t Want Fries – Historic Moment Stuns Fast Food Workers, Scientists Scramble for Explanation

Mango Mania Sweeps the Nation – Florida Fruit Becomes Latest Cryptocurrency Scam as Investors Go Tropical

JunglePussy vs Expectations – Rapper Refuses to Be Pigeonholed, Also Refuses to Explain What That Means

JunglePussy Starts Neighborhood Watch – Brooklyn Rapper Brings Hip-Hop Intensity to Suburban Crime Prevention

John Mayer’s Dating History Finally Explained – Scientologists Reveal Guitar God’s Romantic Strategy Was Just Blues Scales Applied to Relationships

Hispanic Leaders Start Revolution Against Bad Bunny – Reggaeton Star Faces Unexpected Backlash from Latinx Leadership Over Fashion Crimes

Charlie Sheen Now Gay, Sources Confirm – Tiger Blood Finally Comes Out of Closet, Surprises Absolutely Nobody Who Watched Two and a Half Men

Capitol Investigates Soviet Flag in AOC Staffer’s Cubicle – Cold War Paranoia Meets Workplace Decor in Washington’s Dumbest Scandal

AI Turns Heroes into Freelance Porn Stars – Deepfake Technology Makes Everyone a Star They Never Wanted to Be

AI Gold Rush: Silicon Valley Strikes Fool’s Gold – Tech Bros Pan for Digital Nuggets in California’s Stupidest Gold Rush